.. but you try to plow through it anyway.Thus my raging frustration at the top of this chapter.Silly? Melodramatic? Maybe.But, it’s my cross to bear.Thank you for letting me get it out.If there is one silver lining in all of this, it’s that I have several walking, talking, and breathing “stress relievers” that call me “Master”.One of which who had sealed her fate for the next couple of hours by texting me a “6” with enough exclamation points after it to put her in very deep trouble for the evening.The text was waiting on my phone when I got out of my second hot shower of the day.This is one of those times when the punishment is going to be so deserved, I don’t even have to yell.Cool and collected was now the buzzword ... actually an even better description would be “Ice Fucking Cold”.At just the right time, I was sitting on one of the barstools placed a few steps away from the counter, facing the door and wearing nothing but a towel and an evil smile.The girls all said “Hello Master”. I recently read an idea in a women’s magazine, to envision all of my stress and the things worrying me as a string I’m unwinding from myself. I took that imagery a bit further, and came up with the following, which I like very much. *** I am sitting alone in the doorway of a small hut, looking out into the rain. It is cold and dark, and it’s not just rain, but hail and sleet thrashing down. I sit and I’m knitting a sweater for myself, against the miserable cold. I look down in my lap, and in the coarse wool are woven images which represent my frustrations, my fears, my sorrows. I have been working on this sweater, a little bit every day, my whole life. Over the years it has changed – adding on bits, losing bits – becoming larger and smaller, but always mine, the colors and patterns always familiar. At last my fingers ache and I can do no more today. I stand and pull the sweater over my head, feeling the heavy wool dragging down on my shoulders. I hold it close around my throat and.
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